Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Change Is Good (or so I’m told)

I don’t know what it is. I get home from class at about 10:30 pm, and I should be fried, right? Instead I’m kinda charged up. Ready to go. I want more!

Which ain’t so good, ‘cause I gotta get up early in the morning.

Even on the long days (this one started at 5:30 am), I still seem to have more energy when I get home than when I leave for class. This can only be a good sign. I was really worrying that I’d be too pooped at the end of the day and I’d lose focus. I guess my biggest fear was that I’d end up ‘wasting’ my time and money on something I couldn’t maintain.

But in hindsight that was more my ‘inner wimp’ trying to convince me to give up. I’ve been, well, trepidatious (I know, big word!) about this huge commitment I’ve made. I’m realizing now it’s not just some after-work activity or something I might want to ‘try out’ some day. I’m really making a significant change in my life.

I’ve been stuck in this rut for, how long? Fifteen years or so?? I guess I’d just resigned myself to the idea that there was nothing else for me unless I, I don’t know, won the lottery or something. I’d given up, and so the idea of taking this ‘newfound interest’ and even turning it into a serious hobby was quite a change.

It’s slowly dawned on me that what I’ve actually done is completely change the course of my life. This is no longer some ‘side hobby’ that I’m just trying out to see if I like. The more I do this, the more… natural it feels. Like something I can find real happiness in doing with others who share that same happiness with me. The more I learn about it, the more I want to learn, and the more I want this to BE my life. I want this thing to envelop me. I don’t wanna get all sappy here (!), but I haven’t felt this way about something in, oh, twenty years? :O

Here’s a great quote I found online about Change:

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” – sendwisecards.com

So finally, after all this time, I’m instead spending my energy on the change.

Good night. Namaste.

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